Trust. You hear the word almost everyday, if not everyday. But what does it really mean? And how many of us really know how to actually do it? When you hear somebody say "You can trust me." or, "Trust me", or, "Do you trust me?" Do you actually know what it means? Do you know what it means to trust in somebody?

God calls us into a lifestyle of trust. In Him. And in the people that He has surrounded us with.

The dictionary defines Trust as this:

1. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. Confident expectation of something; hope.
3. A person on whom or thing on which one relies.

The one that catches my eye is the first one. "Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability...of a person or thing; confidence."

Another definition of Trust that I like, and to make is in all simpleness, is FAITH.
Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Faith is being certain, confident, and believing in what we cannot see. We can't see God, yet we believe in Him and put our hope in Him. Yes we can see Him working and moving, and we can feel Him in our lives, but we cannot see Him with our physical eyes. Yet, faith, which is required in our Christian walk, is to be certain of what we cannot see. Faith is parallel to Trust. When we have faith, we believe what God has told us, in what He has promised us, and in what He is doing. We trust in His strength, ability, and love. We have hope that He is who He says He is. When God says, "Trust me." We should just at the opportunity to hope in the God who holds everything in His hands.

God is calling, He is asking each one of us a question. He is saying:

"Do you trust me?"

And we cannot answer this question without much thought. And I believe, that if most of us were to examine our hearts, the answer would be a clear "No." See, most of us profess that we trust in God, but in actuality we don't. Our words don't match up with reality. For most of us, it is hard to trust God. What should come easy, doesn't. Because in our humanity, we like to be able to see things and then believe. When our physical eyes cannot see God, part of us decides that maybe we can't trust in Him. We ask questions like, "Where is He?" "What if He doesn't come through for me?" Our questions are filled with doubt.

This is where faith comes in. Faith is the complete opposite of doubt. When we doubt, faith and hope cannot live in us. The enemy wants us to doubt God, cause when we doubt God we tie His hands and keep Him at a distance. When we have faith in God, He has an open canvas to paint, to do His work on, and to create a masterpiece. Only when we trust in God can He work in our lives. To have faith is to Trust. To Trust is to have confidence. To have confidence is to have hope. The have hope is to have Christ.

Even though we cannot see God, it is key that we trust in Him. Even when we don't understand completely what it means to trust, if You ask Him, He will lead you and show you what it means. Even when things don't make sense. Even when you don't understand. Even when your world is crashing in around you. Even when things are great and everything is going fine. Even when God asks you to do something crazy. Whatever the circumstance, Trust in the King, that is the key to living.

Without God, we are and we have nothing. With Him, anything is possible.

I challenge you to examine your heart. Let God ask you His question, "Do you trust me?" And don't answer right away. Really think about it. If your answer is "Yes", great, continue to trust in Him. But if it is a "No.", then let the Holy Spirit speak to you, guide you, and teach you what it means and what it looks like to trust in God. Let Him break down the walls that are keeping you from trusting God. He will do His work, but first yo have to let Him.

What are you waiting for? Life is waiting for you, all you have to do is trust.

2009 In Review :)

At the beginning of 2009, I was broken. I was just coming out of the darkest time of my life and had just been set free from the darkness that had swallowed me. I was dating a guy who I loved, but I lost him. I allowed him to become way too important to me and God had to cut our bond. I let him slip into the #1 place in my heart...and that place belongs to Jesus and Jesus alone. I didnt understand it then, until God told me "i am a jealous God and a consuming fire, and if anything gets in the way of your affection for me, I will burn it up." And thats what happened. It took me almost the whole year to be able to move on, but finally, I can say that I have forgiven the boy and moved past it. He is in the past and Jesus is my now. :)

In april, I lost my job, That was really hard, I had to fully rely on God and learn to trust in Him to provide, I had to put all my hope in Him. And He was and has been faithful to provide. He has never left or abandoned me, His hand has been on me and guiding me the whole time.

After that happened, I began to fall so deeply in love with God and was completely overwhelmed with love for Him and His love for me. I asked Him to consume my life and He did exactly that. In may, satan began to tempt me with the things from my past...the cutting, bulimia and depression. I fought with it, and refused to give in and give him a stronghold again in my life. I said "NO", and gave those thoughts and emotions to Jesus and He took them away. I havent struggled with those things ever since. I was so insecure, but not anymore. God spoke identity into my life. He told me who I am.

In June, I had an opportunity to share my testimony with a group of about 70 troubled youth in a juvenile detention/rehabilitation center. I saw God give me strength and take away my fear of speaking to them. I felt Him speak through me. And it was on father's day. Most of these kids, like me, do not have dads. I was able to tell them about my Eternal Daddy, the One who rescued me and holds me in his arms. I had the chance to pray with some girls that were very broken, and see them cry and see God maybe for the first time in their lives.

In June and July, was Desperation. In both conferences, God touched my heart and life in a powerful way. He restored my dreams. Mended my broken heart. Spoke purpose into my life. Matt Pitt said "God wants to interrupt history and He needs people to do this. There wil always be evil people wanting to interrupt history and if you dont do it, they will" Those rocked me to the core, and a fire and determination rose up in me to change the world I live in and fulfill God's purpose in my own generation (Acts 3:36)...In the july conference I saw a miracle as 4,000 students gave $45,000 dollars to build 3 orphan homes in Uganda. AMAZING. The celebration that rose up from that place was amazing. I wept as i thought about the precious children that would be saved from a life of poverty, without a family or someone to take care of them, starvation, disease, and being forced into sex slavery. Lives rescued.

In September, God gave my spanish church our own building to call home. :) it was truly a miracle how He provided for us. And our church is beautiful. I love it. Its not just a building though. Its a family, my family.

In October, I went on the _tag retreat INVITED as a leader. It was based on this idea: The eternal invitation is Jesus. Only Jesus. We cannot hold onto other things. It was never meant to be Jesus, And....it was only meant to be Jesus. Only Jesus. He has invited us to an eternity in relationship and love with Jim, and it starts now. God wants you. He will never turn anyone away that comes to Him. You have been invited, all you have to do is show up to the invitation. Show up, everyday. Then, Jeremiah talked about The Deception of Rejection, and how when we live by what God says about us, nothing can touch us and the opinions of people will not matter. I went up there to minister to kids and help them see God, which I got to do a lot of, but in the end, my life was touched by God and I was transformed. God took away my fear of rejection and of people and made it so what He says is all that matters to me. He showed me that the rags i was wearing are no longer what I am wearing, I am wearing a pure white gown, that looks like a wedding dress...signifying that God has united me to His heart and cleaned off all my stains. God called me to dance with Him, to let Him lead me where He wants me to go, to steps I dont know, but he knows. :)

In November, the youth pastor from my church in Mexico came to speak at _Tag, and as he was speaking my heart completely broke all over again for Mexico. My little sister, Nebai, who is from Mexico, her and I were weeping uncontrollably, breaking for Mexico, crying out to God for Him to save the people and the nation that is so lost, that we love so much.

This December, God told me that I am so stuck in the future that I couldnt enjoy or live in the now. That he could not and would not give me the future until I learned to be thankful for and live content and happy now. To keep dreaming, but not forget about today. He is sending me to Alabama for a season, which will start in september, I was supposed to go in February, but he has work to do in me still. When I decided to be content and thankful for where I am, He finally gave me a job. At Taco Bell...the last place I wanted to work, but it humbled me and now I have a job and someway to make money. I'm grateful for it. This New Years Eve, I was standing in worship, singing and pouring my heart out to God. I was thinking about how a year ago I was trying to kill myself and right now today, I have never been so free before in my life. I AM FREE!!!!! I wept. I wept and I wept uncontrolably, literally unable to stop my crying. I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and love for God. And He was pouring His love out on me. I was so caught up with His Spirit. It was incredible. Then, I got to celebrate and ring in this new year with my family, the people that I love the most in this world. :)

My New Year Decisions:

1. To become intimate friends with Worship, Prayer, Fasting and Scripture.
2. To spend time everyday on my knees, facedown, in surrender and love to God.
3. To be a better friend, daughter and sister.
4. To share the gospel of Jesus Christ with as many people as I possibly can.
5. I will obey God, no matter how uncomfortable it is or what it costs me.
6. I wont let my life be dictated by what others say, but what God says.
7. I will deny my flesh, and live by the Spirit.
8. To be a servant to all.
9. To live my life with the standard of Holiness.

I have been mauled over and over and over again by the Holy Spirit this year. When I look back at who I was and where I was a year ago, and where I am today, it is a difference between night and day. It is so far from where my life was and the pit I was in. God has transformed my life. He took me from depression, being negative, dying...to giving mye a neverending Joy, and allowing me to really live. And now, I AM FREE. The new year deserves a new me, and God is going to continue to transform my live. I challenge you to allow Him to do His work in you, to take you where you could never even dream. Who is going to run your life this year? You, or God? I hope your answer is that God will be your King this year and for the rest of your life. Eliminate the tings that are bad and holding you back, and dive into the things of God and His life.

Kasey <3