4.05.2009

Broken Hearts Suck.

Hi! Well....I havent written in a couple of months, sorry. I know its lame but ive been busy and insanely busy too. SO much has happened though. A LOT. Well...ya know that boy that I wrote about in one of my last posts? He turned out to be a jerk, and he dumped me and broke my heart really bad. It sucked. Hardcore sucked. He did it over texting too which was really really low and immature and hurt cause I never got to say goodbye or get any kind of closure. That was on January 20th. I was depressed about it for a few weeks, then I got really pissed off, and now I'm in the missing him stage where I think about it a lot and everytime I see him it hurts because we were really good friends before we started dating. There is a soul tie established...which seems impossible to break. Because we shared so much of our emotions, we shared our life stories, we shared physical closeness and kisses, and through many many conversations and much time spent together a soul tie was formed. And thats why it hurts so badly. But I learned a lot. I will be wiser and more careful next time I enter into a relationship. Its not something to take lightly or play around with, its a serious matter and should be treated so. Broken hearts suck, its probably one of the worst pains one could ever experience. But one thing God told me at the beginning of my brokenness is this..."I am a jealous God and consuming fire. If you let something get to be too important to you, I will take it away. If something gets in the way of your love for me, I will consume it." So...its not completely his fault (mostly though), I did let him get to be too important to me...and that was stupid. I feel badly about that. But he instigated it. He lied to me and used me and severely hurt me. I dont really know how to feel about him now. I still like him, but then sometimes I really cant stand him and get pissed off just thinking about him. But then again, he's the love of my life and I miss him. I'm just confused. I kow God has someone soooo much better for me...but I miss him. I dunno. This sucks. I'm working through it and trying to move on and surge forward. But its hard.