Thursday 13 ~ 1st Edition.

I'm back in to the blogging world. :) Here's my first thirteen.

13 Things About Me (since Im new..so you can get to know me)

1. I'm a total dork. Yes, thats right. I love to be loud and do wierd things and I dont care what people think or say. I just love to have fun. :)

2. I am Bilingual. :) I speak spanish and english. Spanish is the love of my life. I learned it in high school, it is God's gift to me, and my talent. I go to a spanish church where I am one of about 5 white people there. I LOVE it. :) they're my family in the truest sense of the word.

3. I'm a writer. :) i love to write. and im good at it. My high school english teacher told me I am one of the best writer's he has had in his 18 years at the school. I write too much, i think. :) i carry my journal with me everywhere I go.

4. I am a texting fiend. Yes. :) i love being connected with the world and all my friends. an average month is usually about 6,000 texts.

5. I am madly in love with my Bridegroom. :) He is the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me. He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me He loves me. He brings me flowers. He shows me the most beautiful things there are. He whispers sweet little somethings into my ears. He holds my hand, and wraps me in His arms. :) He is the most beautiful thing to see and hear. And, His precious Name is Jesus Christ. :)

6. I am addicted to chocolate. Yep. :) its delicious. My motto is theres nothing that God and a little chocolate cant fix. Teehee.

7. I am pretty much always listening to music. I LOVE music. :) it just makes me feel good. I recently deleted all the secular music from my zune and now all I listen to are worship songs. :) im finding that im really not missing out on anything. I just want to be comsumed by Jesus.

8. I'm a colorado girl to the core. :) I love all things outdoors. I love to hike the most difficult and crazy trail we have on our beautiful mountains. I love camping even though I dont go much. I love off-roading! Its the greatest!! Except, sad fact....I have lived here almost my whole life and have never been skiing or snowboarding. haha. :(

9. I love to read. I am pretty much always in the middle of a book, probably more than one at the same time. I just love learning, and gaining knowledge from what people write. :)

10. I have always been kind of a tomboy. :) ive never really been the super girly type...ever. Ive always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Never wear skirts or dresses, well...rarely. I like to get dirty, I'm not all into my looks like a lot of girls are. I have always made better friends with the boys than I have with other girls.

11. I love the HEAT!! :) I really hate being cold. Its miserable. I would rather be miserably hot that miserably cold. Like my sister and I went to florida a month ago and the day we went to Disney was the hottest day we were there. Yes, it was hot. It was miserably. I sweated buckets....but I enjoyed every minute of it. :) i love hot.

12. God has set me free from a whole load of junk. :) you name it, ive been there. Self-Injury, Bulimia, Self Starvation, Depression, Drug Addiction, Suicidal-ness. Yep...ive been in all of it. And Jesus set me free from ALL of it. :) im the most free ive ever been!!!

13. My heart is completely and 100% broken and for orphans. :) i feel like there is a huge and special mandate on my life to take care of orphans. I want to see them fulfill their God given destinies. Thee are 143 Million orphans in our world. God has called me to take care of them and be His hands and feet that rescue them. My life mission is James 1:27.

Selflessness

This weekend, I witnessed a miracle. Here's the story...a little over a month ago the high school group at my church started a mission called Heartwork: Uganda. The challenge was to raise 60,000 dollars and anything up to that amount would be matched by an incredible man named Kirby. He told us the we were the army God had told him about 25 years ago. 8 weeks later..._Tag had raised $67,o000 dollars and 4 orphan homes have been built and many many lives rescued. It was so amazing to see the students I love giving sacrificially, and a group of high school and junior high kids raised that much money on their own. Incredible. Well, this weekend at the Desperation Conference, Pastor Brent showed a video of the story and talked about it at the end of his sermon. He challenged the students to ask God what He wanted them to give and get ready to give that night to build another orphan home. The goal was $15,000 dollars, and Kirby was going to match the other 15 since it costs $30,000 to build a home. (he did this at the June conference where in a spontaneous offering, no planning, we raised 16 thousand and one home would be built.) Well it came time for the offering and we sang a song called Light Up The World, masses of people poured to the front of the auditorium to give their offering to God. This was true worship. At the end of the night, David Perkins came up and announced the result of the offering. In the course of about 15 minutes, 4,000 high school, college and junior high kids gave $44,000 dollars. Yes, I said FOURTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! The next day another person gave $1,000, so plus the $15,000 from Kirby...we are going to be able to fund not just one, but 2 orphan homes in uganda!!! It was truely a miracle. In one night, to raise that amount of support...it was a God thing. It was incredible to see so many students give of themselves to pour into the lives of children on the other side of the world. It was the most selfless thing I have ever witnessed. Even in my own life, I had just gotten paid to water plants of a friend who was is out of town, and God challenged me to give it all. It was a work God did in my heart, and I now have to trust Him even more to provide all that I need until I find a job. You should have seen the celebration that rose up in that place!! Everyone started freaking out, and dancing, and jumping around, and screaming at the top of their lungs, many of us were just weeping out of joy. It was power in its fullest. Kids would be rescued from the injustice of being an orphan. From starvation, unclean water, homelessness, and being forced into sex slavery. The will be rescued!! And last night (saturday), Kirby came up and said that while he was in Uganda 25 years ago holding a 3 year old girl tht had been raped, God spoke to him and said "I am raising up intercessors. In the future, you will see armies of intercessors and justice seekers rise up." Then, he said that while he was in Uganda last week, God gave him 2 questions to ask the Desperation tribe. 1. If he could get it approved and cleared with the authorities, would we get 1,000 youth groups to build at least one orphan home? and 2. Will you get the attention of the nation and the world with your selflessness and turn their eyes to God? IF we answered them right, which definitely happened...God said to Him right there, "Through these people I am going to rescue 143 Million Destinies." There are 143 Million Orphans in the world...and God is getting ready for a movement to rescue them!! IT was one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed. God is incredible. Lets stand up and be the hands and feet of Jesus, let the church be the church. Let's rock!!

Scared.

This weekend at the Desperation Conference I heard a man named Tom Davis speak, I got his new novel, "Scared", because I have read his other books and loved them. This was on saturday. I just finished reading the book and I am crying uncontrolably...not just crying, like the kind where its hard to breathe and it just doesn't stop. My heart literally feels pain, like it was being ripped in several places. And now I cant sleep. In this story, there is an american photo journalist who goes to Africa on an assignment to capture photos and a story to redeem his career. There is also a young girl named Adanna, she is orphaned anonly 12 years old left to parent her 2 younger siblings. She suffers horrendous abuse and situations that are so foreign to americans. This little girl is my new hero. I think the reason it is so deeply disturbing to the reader is that the story is very close to the facts of a young girls life, and there are so many children that have similar stories. Of starving and going days, weeks without food. Of abuse and being raped. Of being orphaned by their parents who either left and or died of AIDS. Being infected themselves. Or being completel vulnerable and unable to protect themselves. I found myself weeping as I read her story. Injustice. That is the word I would use to describe her life and what she endured. But along with the injustice...you also see the redemptive power of God. His love and grace for us. And His hope that He gives to us. This story has moved me so incredibly deeply and touched corners and places in my heart that I didnt even know existed. I found myself in Africa everytime I picked up the book, it was so real. I saw the kids, the scenery, the horror and the hope. I found myself on a roller coaster of emotions. Sadness, laughter, anger, fire, depression, hopeless, helpless, deeply grieved...but more than anything I am stired to step out of that comfortable american buble that so many of us live in. Im so sick of it. When is the church going to rise up and be the church?? To be the hands and feet of Jesus in our world. We need to stop ignoring this reality and go do something. I told my friend Edith....we are going to Uganda next summer to work in an orphan home and help the natives. We are going to try and make it a trip for our whole youth group to go on. I am going to get my sunday school kids to raise money to give to the author's organization to help feed the starving people. It is .14 cents for one meal...we could help feed a lo of people if we try. We have to do something. We are crying out for a move of God and for Him to do something about it while He is up in heaven crying for a move of man and for us to go and DO something. So why not? Like one of my girls said when I told her about the food idea, "Lets rock!"

Broken Hearts Suck.

Hi! Well....I havent written in a couple of months, sorry. I know its lame but ive been busy and insanely busy too. SO much has happened though. A LOT. Well...ya know that boy that I wrote about in one of my last posts? He turned out to be a jerk, and he dumped me and broke my heart really bad. It sucked. Hardcore sucked. He did it over texting too which was really really low and immature and hurt cause I never got to say goodbye or get any kind of closure. That was on January 20th. I was depressed about it for a few weeks, then I got really pissed off, and now I'm in the missing him stage where I think about it a lot and everytime I see him it hurts because we were really good friends before we started dating. There is a soul tie established...which seems impossible to break. Because we shared so much of our emotions, we shared our life stories, we shared physical closeness and kisses, and through many many conversations and much time spent together a soul tie was formed. And thats why it hurts so badly. But I learned a lot. I will be wiser and more careful next time I enter into a relationship. Its not something to take lightly or play around with, its a serious matter and should be treated so. Broken hearts suck, its probably one of the worst pains one could ever experience. But one thing God told me at the beginning of my brokenness is this..."I am a jealous God and consuming fire. If you let something get to be too important to you, I will take it away. If something gets in the way of your love for me, I will consume it." So...its not completely his fault (mostly though), I did let him get to be too important to me...and that was stupid. I feel badly about that. But he instigated it. He lied to me and used me and severely hurt me. I dont really know how to feel about him now. I still like him, but then sometimes I really cant stand him and get pissed off just thinking about him. But then again, he's the love of my life and I miss him. I'm just confused. I kow God has someone soooo much better for me...but I miss him. I dunno. This sucks. I'm working through it and trying to move on and surge forward. But its hard.

I HATE BOYS...

Nuff' said in the title.

Redemption

I have recently experienced what it is like to be set free, once again, from the chains that the enemy wants so badly to keep us under. These were things that I never thought I would struggle with, but for about 4 months, I did. I had a 4 month battle with depression, cutting, and Bulimia. I gave in to the lies that I had been hearing my entire life. You know the ones, or maybe the ones you hear are different. The ones I have heard, and bought into said..."You are fat." "You are ugly" "You are worthless" "You need to punish yourself for what a failure you are." "You do not deserve love from any person or from God" "You deserve this." "You've gotten yourself to this point." "You dont deserve to live." Well for my whole life I have heard lies, and finally and subcontiously began to believe them. The beliefs started with small thoughts, to obsessive thoughts. From small words, to where everything that came out of my mouth was negative. The depression cam first. It started small, but progressed to the point where I was always down and living in darkness. The cutting followed. I had so much emotional pain from my past and what had been going on that I needed an outlet to escape it. So I turned to a razor blade. I used that to feel physical pain, so that I could escape the emotional turmoil. It hurt and I have scars on my arms and legs from what I did, but I thought I deserved it. That somehow I had brought it upon myself. It was the only way I knew how to handle things, and when things got tough, or I needed to escape...the razor was always there for me. Then came the eating disorder. It started with eating less, watching what I was consuming and constantly thinking about my weight. It progressed to not eating at all, starving myself. I once lost 10 pounds in a week without even trying..that was how little I was eating. I could go days without eating. My schedule was so packed that I wasnt home a lot for dinner so I could get away with it. Then when I was at home and had to eat, I resorted to throwing up. Binging and purging. That, like everything else, started small. Then, it got to the point where everything i ate cam back up. Wheather I was at home, work, church...wherever, nothing I consumed stayed down. I felt guilty eating and it always came back up. I was a full blown bulimia, captive to my disease and couldnt see a way out. It only got worse. For the last month, I think I kept about 2 meals down. I was sick, and tired and spiritually dying. Well, I was talking to my friend Amy from my spanish church, and told her everything....I dont know why, seeing as how shameful it was. BUt I did. She told my spanish pastor, Ivette, (who was also like a mentor, and an old teacher). And Ivette said she was getting me help at New Life Church. I freaked out. Well, I had to withdraw myself from _Tag adyult leadership so that I could get my life together. I was being forced into facing these issues and confronting them, but also the deeer issuse that were causing them. These depper issues were issues of pain, rejection and abandonment, and forgiveness, and insecurities. It was hell, for a month I was a complete emotional wreck, and God was breaking me completely. The people I wanted to be there couldnt be there, I had to learn to depend 100% on God and to lean on Him. He tied the hands of my allies and they couldnt fight for or with me. I couldnt talk to them or go to them for help, it had to be totally God. It got worse before it got better. I had to tell my mom, and she seemed to be overwhelmed and wanted it to just go away...but for me it was a process to freedom. I began to eat again, even small amounts were hard to keep down. I felt sick eating food, then I always felt sick because of the vomiting and my digestive system was all jacked up. I hated it. The suicidal part of my past came up, there were times where I wanted to run in front of a car or swallow a whole bottle of pills...but i ran to God. I wasnt going to give up. I had seen God work before in my life and I knew that freedom could come again. Everyday i had to fall at His feet. Everytime I failed or gave in, I had to let Him pick me back up. It was a journey of learning to trust Him and letting Him fight for me and help me to overcome. About 2 weeks ago at a _Tag prayer meeting, God spoke to me. They were playing the song "Your Love Is Extravagent." He was speaking His love over me, and speaking freedom. He told me I was beautiful, and was worth His Son's blood. That I didnt have to be captive to these issues any longer. He took me to the verse that sys "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." And then He gave it to me. He gave me freedom. He said no more, and those things that had held me captive just...died. And I came back to life. He breathed His life into me again. He is incredible! I am free from the depression, the cutting addiction, and the bulimia. Yes, sometimes I still struggle with it, it tries to come back up...but I just have to fight it, and let God fight for me and I know I can overcome. I encourage you, don't limit God the way I did or put Him in a box. There is NOTHING that is too big for Him to handle, or to deeply rooted for Him to fix or remove. I've worked through all these issues with Him and he gave me a new heart, thats healed and whole. If there is something you need freedom from, His love is there, His hope is there, His arms are open...He's just waiting for you to run to Him. Its your call...but let me tell you; freedom is so much more enjoyable than being in chains. And He did it all. Please, let Him do it for you too.