At the beginning of 2009, I was broken. I was just coming out of the darkest time of my life and had just been set free from the darkness that had swallowed me. I was dating a guy who I loved, but I lost him. I allowed him to become way too important to me and God had to cut our bond. I let him slip into the #1 place in my heart...and that place belongs to Jesus and Jesus alone. I didnt understand it then, until God told me "i am a jealous God and a consuming fire, and if anything gets in the way of your affection for me, I will burn it up." And thats what happened. It took me almost the whole year to be able to move on, but finally, I can say that I have forgiven the boy and moved past it. He is in the past and Jesus is my now. :)
In april, I lost my job, That was really hard, I had to fully rely on God and learn to trust in Him to provide, I had to put all my hope in Him. And He was and has been faithful to provide. He has never left or abandoned me, His hand has been on me and guiding me the whole time.
After that happened, I began to fall so deeply in love with God and was completely overwhelmed with love for Him and His love for me. I asked Him to consume my life and He did exactly that. In may, satan began to tempt me with the things from my past...the cutting, bulimia and depression. I fought with it, and refused to give in and give him a stronghold again in my life. I said "NO", and gave those thoughts and emotions to Jesus and He took them away. I havent struggled with those things ever since. I was so insecure, but not anymore. God spoke identity into my life. He told me who I am.
In June, I had an opportunity to share my testimony with a group of about 70 troubled youth in a juvenile detention/rehabilitation center. I saw God give me strength and take away my fear of speaking to them. I felt Him speak through me. And it was on father's day. Most of these kids, like me, do not have dads. I was able to tell them about my Eternal Daddy, the One who rescued me and holds me in his arms. I had the chance to pray with some girls that were very broken, and see them cry and see God maybe for the first time in their lives.
In June and July, was Desperation. In both conferences, God touched my heart and life in a powerful way. He restored my dreams. Mended my broken heart. Spoke purpose into my life. Matt Pitt said "God wants to interrupt history and He needs people to do this. There wil always be evil people wanting to interrupt history and if you dont do it, they will" Those rocked me to the core, and a fire and determination rose up in me to change the world I live in and fulfill God's purpose in my own generation (Acts 3:36)...In the july conference I saw a miracle as 4,000 students gave $45,000 dollars to build 3 orphan homes in Uganda. AMAZING. The celebration that rose up from that place was amazing. I wept as i thought about the precious children that would be saved from a life of poverty, without a family or someone to take care of them, starvation, disease, and being forced into sex slavery. Lives rescued.
In October, I went on the _tag retreat INVITED as a leader. It was based on this idea: The eternal invitation is Jesus. Only Jesus. We cannot hold onto other things. It was never meant to be Jesus, And....it was only meant to be Jesus. Only Jesus. He has invited us to an eternity in relationship and love with Jim, and it starts now. God wants you. He will never turn anyone away that comes to Him. You have been invited, all you have to do is show up to the invitation. Show up, everyday. Then, Jeremiah talked about The Deception of Rejection, and how when we live by what God says about us, nothing can touch us and the opinions of people will not matter. I went up there to minister to kids and help them see God, which I got to do a lot of, but in the end, my life was touched by God and I was transformed. God took away my fear of rejection and of people and made it so what He says is all that matters to me. He showed me that the rags i was wearing are no longer what I am wearing, I am wearing a pure white gown, that looks like a wedding dress...signifying that God has united me to His heart and cleaned off all my stains. God called me to dance with Him, to let Him lead me where He wants me to go, to steps I dont know, but he knows. :)
In November, the youth pastor from my church in Mexico came to speak at _Tag, and as he was speaking my heart completely broke all over again for Mexico. My little sister, Nebai, who is from Mexico, her and I were weeping uncontrollably, breaking for Mexico, crying out to God for Him to save the people and the nation that is so lost, that we love so much.
This December, God told me that I am so stuck in the future that I couldnt enjoy or live in the now. That he could not and would not give me the future until I learned to be thankful for and live content and happy now. To keep dreaming, but not forget about today. He is sending me to Alabama for a season, which will start in september, I was supposed to go in February, but he has work to do in me still. When I decided to be content and thankful for where I am, He finally gave me a job. At Taco Bell...the last place I wanted to work, but it humbled me and now I have a job and someway to make money. I'm grateful for it. This New Years Eve, I was standing in worship, singing and pouring my heart out to God. I was thinking about how a year ago I was trying to kill myself and right now today, I have never been so free before in my life. I AM FREE!!!!! I wept. I wept and I wept uncontrolably, literally unable to stop my crying. I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and love for God. And He was pouring His love out on me. I was so caught up with His Spirit. It was incredible. Then, I got to celebrate and ring in this new year with my family, the people that I love the most in this world. :)
1. To become intimate friends with Worship, Prayer, Fasting and Scripture.
2. To spend time everyday on my knees, facedown, in surrender and love to God.
3. To be a better friend, daughter and sister.
4. To share the gospel of Jesus Christ with as many people as I possibly can.
5. I will obey God, no matter how uncomfortable it is or what it costs me.
6. I wont let my life be dictated by what others say, but what God says.
7. I will deny my flesh, and live by the Spirit.
8. To be a servant to all.
I have been mauled over and over and over again by the Holy Spirit this year. When I look back at who I was and where I was a year ago, and where I am today, it is a difference between night and day. It is so far from where my life was and the pit I was in. God has transformed my life. He took me from depression, being negative, dying...to giving mye a neverending Joy, and allowing me to really live. And now, I AM FREE. The new year deserves a new me, and God is going to continue to transform my live. I challenge you to allow Him to do His work in you, to take you where you could never even dream. Who is going to run your life this year? You, or God? I hope your answer is that God will be your King this year and for the rest of your life. Eliminate the tings that are bad and holding you back, and dive into the things of God and His life.