8.20.2008

Thoughts From My Restless Night...

Last night I was up until 5:00 am. No matter how hard I tried, I could not sleep, I could not find rest, it was nowhere in sight. It was in some place I couldn see. I was burdened and my heart was heavy. I couldnt stop thinking about my job. There is so much hatred from my coworkers toward my church, and they arent afraid to tell their opinions to my face. They are so harsh and very very low and rude. I don't understand why so many people hate my church, God's church- His body. Jesus said that "You will face persecution for my sake." Its not fun, but I cant explode or say things out of anger becasue then they will think even worse of New Life. I was like, "Okay, lets not turn this into a bash New Life session." and my manager Michelle was like, "Okay we'll just wait till' youre gone." This things were heavying my heart last night. I know God put me there to demonstrate His love and what New Lifer's are really life and the truth- but I just don't think I can do it anymore. The environment I work in is so negative, and I dont now how all the NLC haters ended up in one place, but I cant take being 1 out of like 2...maybe 3 Chrsitians in the whole store. I'm sick of it. I'm looking for a new job. I know I need a job so I can support myself, but I'm quitting this one as soon as I find another one. I cannot do it anymore. I asked God's permission in my desperate journalilng last night, tears on the pages, His permission to quit my job and for Him to help me find another. About an hour and a half later, He gave me His answer which was a clear Yes. I was estatic and was finally able to sleep. My heart is still hurting because of how lost and blinded these people are, and I wasnt able to do anything except live His love. I choose to live with a standard of holiness, and therefore I am a freak in their eyes. I dont really get it, but then again the world doesnt like what is different when it threatens their so called "fun and freedom". I did what I could, but I will soon be done with my job at Slaveway.

1 comments:

Monday through Sunday said...

I am so sorry that this has been so hard on you. I pray you find a new job very soon!